It was a beautiful day, slightly on the crisp side, but sunny, and the sky was a beautiful shade of blue. It just so happened to be Mummy’s birthday. Back in her hay day when Mummy had an actual name and people would ask ‘hey Abbs when’s your birthday?’, she would reply ‘February, it’s February’ and would celebrate her birthday like a queen for the WHOLE month of February. This year Mummy didn’t really feel like celebrating; a house full of sick boys had dampened her party spirit somewhat. Mummy had to pop to St Alban’s so thought what a lovely idea it would be to make the most of the weather and take the boys to the park, you know for a scoot and to see the ducks. It would be something ‘nice’ to do on her special day.
What a silly Mummy!
By the time they arrived at the car park the littlest Rascal was absolutely beside himself from the TORTURE that is his car seat. To say he was inconsolable is an understatement. Mummy gave him some LOVE before plonking him in the pram while she sorted coats, hats and gloves. Eternally conscious that her little darlings were warm and snug, like any good Mummy would be. But little did she know, the DAFTY, that she had selected the WRONG woolly hat for the Chief Rascal. Not even out of the car park he proceeded to have the mother of all meltdowns, the first of many during this little escapade. The meltdown consisted of a level of screaming that a banshee would be proud of and an ‘almost’ impressive right hook. With both little darlings SCREAMING mummy decided to join in. Why not she thought! AAAAAAAAaaaaaaaa!
Once everyone calmed down they headed for the playground. The littlest Rascal continued to lose his shiz. Apparently the wind is not his friend, Mummy put him in the sling to try and comfort him and shield him slightly from the gusty air, but as it whipped round their ears his SCREAMS reached a crescendo. This is FUN thought Mummy. Mummy’s mascara was running down her face at this point, she will tell you this was from the wind but most probably it was from the internal sobbing. ‘Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me’ Mummy sang to herself.
The happy outing sat on the bench for a snack, a milky refreshment for the baby and a wholesome chocolate snack bar for the eldest of the
horrors darlings; who for unknown reasons then tried to push his luck considerably by defiantly tossing his rubbish on the floor. Mummy was NOT IMPRESSED. Her voice had taken on a deep growl at this point, ‘Pick.That.Up.NOW!’. The little monkey then dropped his snack on the floor, ‘Is it still ok to eat it Mummy?’. Mummy was passed caring at this point and scoured the ground for dog turds. ‘Do what you want’ Mummy barked whilst rocking backwards and forwards.
After refuelling they carried on their EPIC adventure. Mummy caught the three year old actually enjoying himself as he squelched through the mud in his wellys. ‘Oh’ thought Mummy, this IS FUN after all, aren’t we all having a lovely time. Mummy wanted to capture this JOYOUS moment in a photo so that later she could reminisce about the moment they were all actually enjoying themselves. But Mummy’s phone battery died. ‘Great!’ thought Mummy, ‘how’s your luck!’.
When all was going well the dulcet tones of ‘I need a wee’ rang out. The trio headed to the nearest bush so Mummy’s little angel could relieve himself. Imagine if you will a Crystal Maze-esk challenge when all involved are layered up in winter clothing; the Chief Rascal wearing stiff khaki shorts under his tracky b’s (don’t try and understand it!). Mummy bent down to assist him with the ‘wee squat’, but the negotiation of wellys, shorts, and baby in sling was all just too much! Not surprisingly both shorts and tracksuit bottoms got wet. Oh how Mummy laughed as she removed the extremely muddy boots, wet bottoms and shorts and attempted to replace with dry clothing whilst the wind whipped around them and she tried to keep both socks and bum from touching the cold, muddy ground. What a kind Mummy! You’d think right?!
The ‘happy’ trio decided to head to the lake in a last ditch attempt to salvage the afternoon. The idea was to enjoy the serenity of the water and marvel at the ducks and majesty of the swans. But who would imagine that a Mummy could be so totally outrageous and ruin it for everyone by sitting on the wrong bench?! The baby was still not digging the wind and by this point the meltdowns and crying had Mummy balancing precariously on the edge. ‘Darlings’ she said ‘I think that is enough fun for one day, let’s head back to the car’.
They proceeded to race back along the path giggling their heads off. In an unprecedented turn of events everyone boarded their car seats without one ounce of drama. The car journey home was calm and peaceful. Mummy was left pondering ‘what just happened?’. Was it actually April and the day had all just been a bit of a wind up?…..Once home Mummy placed an emergency Gin order to help with the PTSD (Thank you two hour Prime Now delivery)…Happy Birthday Mummy!